"When you believe you're entitled to being treated well, you won't accept anything less. If you wait until things are very bad, it means you've set the limit too low."  Katz, Elliott

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Frank, Robert H.  “Passions Within Reason: The Strategic Role of the Emotions.”, an economist at the Johnson School at Cornell University.

Frank asks: why do people help others, and retaliate against others who harm them, even when they can expect no future personal, material gain from so doing? His answer is that there are emotional rewards to helping those who deserve our aid and hurting others who deserve our ire. Our behavior towards others is regulated by the passions: empathy, spite, shame, remorse, guilt, compassion, and the other social emotions. 

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Authors Article:
Economic Scene When It Comes to a Search for a Spouse, Supply and Demand Is Only the Start

...A friend of his had complained about the inherent perversity of the relationship scene. “Why is it,” she wondered, “that the men I fall in love with are never interested in me, whereas I never feel attracted to the ones who fall for me?”  Because my colleague knew this woman well, he felt free to respond candidly. “It’s simple,” he explained. “You’re an 8 constantly chasing after 10s and constantly being chased by 6s.” His friend later confessed that this one-sentence analysis had proved more useful than several years of expensive psychotherapy.

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Katz, Elliott  Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants

This is a beautiful story of a man in a rocky marriage who seeks advice from his
grandfather, a wedded man of 50 years. It may appear to subscribe to old notions of manhood and chivalry, with chapters like "Leadership," "Being manly" and "Making decisions." But, really, what man - sensitive New Age guy or not - doesn't want to be a hero to his partner?

This book offers timeless wisdom about what it means to be a real man: One who has a backbone, knows what he wants, can make decisions and take charge (without controlling), has high moral standards, is a model for his children, and someone his mate can look up to. I think it applies equally to women.

"When you believe you're entitled to being treated well, you won't accept anything less. If you wait until things are very bad, it means you've set the limit too low."

And that's true strength, the kind that leads love into the light, into a
soul-affirming dance of life.

 to read excerpts

Beattie, Melody
Codependent No More:
How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself

Beattie says your partner may be a substance abuser, gambler, sex addict, or any other kind of troubled or needy person, it doesn't matter. There's no question their behavior is highly destructive - but so is yours. Your habits and reactions to your situation are allowing it to persist while sabotaging the most important person in your life, the only person you can change - you.

She offers thoughtful, much-needed insight and a path to healing, to help restore faith in the power of love - which begins with self-love.

 to read excerpts